Rabbi Gabriel Botnick explains the Jewish approach to prayer

People are often surprised when they ask what my favourite holiday is and I respond ‘Yom Kippur’. I understand their confusion as this might seem like an odd response. Yom Kippur is the one day of the year when we don’t eat, we don’t shower, and we stand in synagogue for hours on end. How could I possibly like this solemn holiday more than Chanukah, Purim or even Passover? I inevitably explain that, for me, Yom Kippur is the most meaningful day of the year.

One of the reasons some people are confused by my answer is that when they hear the word ‘prayer’, they envisage someone having a conversation with God, asking God to intervene in their lives and hoping for a direct response. With that concept of prayer in mind, it’s understandable that people would find it strange that I favour a day focused mainly on prayer. But the Jewish idea of prayer is rather different.

In Hebrew, the word for ‘prayer’ is tefilah and ‘to pray’ is lehitpalel, which is a reflexive verb meaning ‘to judge oneself’. This is why I often describe the siddur as a mirror that we hold up, trying to see our own reflection in the words used to describe God: patient, understanding, loving, etc. When we pray, we are really asking ourselves whether or not we are living in a God-like way: are we embodying the Divine attributes enumerated in the siddur, or are we falling short of our potential?

When I pray, I am not speaking directly with God nor am I attempting to persuade God to answer my requests. Instead, I am meditating on the concepts and values cherished by our tradition: I am searching for ways to live in a more ‘Godly’ way in the world and better realize my potential as a human. This approach to prayer doesn’t require fluency in Hebrew or familiarity with the liturgy. One could simply look at the English translations for inspiration or even just close the book and sit in quiet contemplation. This is why I absolutely love Yom Kippur – and the rest of the High Holydays – as they provide the ideal environment to engage in the deep spiritual work we are all called to do.

As a young man, I was not so different from the average ‘Jew in the pew’. I could sound out the Hebrew of the siddur and was familiar with the melodies of the service, but I definitely did not understand the words I was reading. I would go out on Friday nights and meet up with friends at a cafe on Saturdays. My home was kosher, but I was less stringent when dining out. In other words, I was no different from many other Jews.

But it was through Yom Kippur and the blessings it brought – sitting in quiet contemplation, blocking out the noise of life, refraining from eating, drinking and showering, not worrying about my physical needs or wants and instead focusing on the spiritual aspects of my life – that I was finally able to identify what had been hiding in plain sight for quite a while: my path, my truth. I was able to admit to myself that a future in the rabbinate was probably the right path for me.

So I want to invite you to allow yourself this year to dive deeper than ever into the waters of the High Holydays. If you usually come to synagogue on each day, try staying longer. If you usually come on just one day, try attending another service or two. If you usually just sit there and passively listen to the choir, try praying in your own way.

Prayer can be an intimidating concept, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s actually very easy to engage in it. Prayer doesn’t demand that you follow any strict set of rules or rituals; it simply invites you to have an honest conversation with yourself, with the themes of the liturgy serving as your waypoints.

I look forward to seeing you at Belsize this year for the High Holydays and hope my approach to prayer will help to guide you on your own spiritual journey.